Moving This Blog

This blog is currently be moved to a different site. It's still a work in progress, but for all future posts, please visit: http://thestoryinme.wordpress.com

I hope to see you all there. :) It will be a bit different than this one. It's not only going to be about my writing experiences and inspiring others, it will also be about life experiences and other passions of mine. So, feel free to visit and discuss topics with me. Don't be afraid to subscribe and let me know how I'm doing! I appreciate the feedback.

100th Post!

Happy 100th post everyone. It's been close to a year since I've started this blog. It's funny how times flies.

Now, let's get down to business. My novel is still progressing slowly but surely. I will get to the finish line whether anyone believes it or not. There are people who still don't believe that I can do this. It isn't something they find logical these days. I don't know how many times people say to me, "Nobody actually reads anymore. Why even try?" Let me answer that for you. I don't think being a writer is such an unobtainable goal, and I also feel that there actually are people out there who still enjoy to read. They buy books and enjoy them. I realize we do live in a very shallow, materialistic world now where literature isn't that important anymore, but not everyone is like that.

That frustration lives in anyone who wants to be a writer. You just have to come to terms with people who say such things. You won't please everyone with your writing, and you really shouldn't do that. Learn to be proud of what you're doing for yourself. Remember, the first critic you should learn to please is yourself. After that, think about others.

So, push all of the negative criticisms that people (or yourself) may be saying to you and continue writing. If you falter and need any help at all, don't be afraid to contact me. We can all make it to the finish line together.

In other news, I'm seriously considering making a small website along with this blog. I'm not exactly "HTML" savvy, so if anyone wants to assist me with this project, I would greatly appreciate it. I'll keep you informed.

Conquering Your Self-Doubts As A Writer

The other day I was sitting in front of my laptop when frustration came over me. My writing document was opened, and all I could do was stare at the cursor as it kept blinking. It was at that moment when my self doubt began to creep back in, and the questions invaded my thoughts. 


What makes you think you're a writer? Why do you even think you can do this?

Everyone doubts themselves. It's a part of life to feel uncertain about our future or if we can achieve our goals. It's how we get over those doubts that really matters. In these past couple of days I've realized there are ways to do this.

First, you should realize that doubting yourself is a natural process. It happens. And, there is nothing wrong with it every once in awhile. It keeps you from making horrible mistakes.

Stop beating yourself up for not writing as much as you wanted or for not achieving a certain daily goal. As long as you try, then you're getting there.

Quit thinking that you can't do something. You can do it. We all have potential to be better whether we believe it or not. We should start believing in that.

Even though I may think everything I'm writing is awful, I can read just one passage or sentence and find it amazing. That keeps me going.

Always keep in mind that a writer is just a person who writes. Nothing more than that. Writers aren't superheroes who can swoop in and save the world from the bad guys. We're just people with a passion for writing and want to share it with the world. We have the capability of being great writers as long as we don't let self doubts win the fight.

How To Find Your Own Writer's Voice

Today, I was asked about writer's voices and what to do if you don't necessarily like the one you have. Is there any way to change a certain voice you may have in your writing if you don't like it? Some say yes, some say no. A person's writer's voice is something that makes each author unique. Without them, each book would sound the same even if you may not realize it at first.
Here are some ways you can tweak your writer's voice or discover one if you aren't sure what yours is (and it's okay if you don't know now.):

• Become familiar with famous author's "voices" and how they manage to make it come across on the pages of their novels. 
• Just don't compare your voice to others. Your voice should be different and is what makes you stand out amongst all the other writers out there. 
• Make it simple. Sometimes simplifying what you're trying to express will make it easier for your voice to become stronger. 
• Be comfortable with your writing and have confidence in your own talent. You have to let your own voice shine on the page. 
• A few simple writing exercises can help either change up your voice if you aren't happy with it or find how yours sounds like. I suggest a quick free-writing exercise: Using a pen (or pencil) and a sheet of paper, close your eyes and write down anything that comes to mind. It doesn't matter how silly or random it may seem. Just write. Sometimes that's the best way to discover your voice.
• Write your novel with only one type of audience in mind. Trying to please every single person will only lead to more frustration and a major case of writer's block.

Just keep in mind that we're all different. We shouldn't sound the same in our writing anyways. Be who you are and be proud of what you write. For the first draft, write for yourself only. During the editing process,  then you can think of others. It's okay to feel some frustration if you can't get your voice to where you think it should be. It takes work and patience, but you can get there. 

If you're still in  need of help or advice, feel free to contact me! I'm here to help. Also, if anyone reading my blog wants some advice on any other writing topic or has a blog post suggestion, contact me with that as well.

Progress

If you can inspire and help at least one person in your entire life, then you have truly accomplished a great deal. There is always this constant need to want to impress everyone, but I'm beginning to realize that I may not be able to reach out to every human being in this world. But, as long as I inspire one person to do more with his life, then I have helped make a difference somehow.

I'm still working on the novel. Whether or not I actually do any "writing", I'm always thinking about the plot, the characters, the setting, etc. I've realized that this is also progress, no matter if I'm actually able to get my fingers to start typing or not.

So, I'm going to stop beating myself up if I don't actually write that day. I'm making mental notes throughout the day so it is progressing.

For All the Literary Types

This is a post to reach out to all of the honest literary people out there. I'm at a point where I really need a support group who I can reach out to and can lend a hand when someone hits a writing brick wall.

The main purpose of this blog is to show the progress I'm making with my writing projects. It's also here to inspire others to do more with their lives and not let others hold them back. On the other hand, I also want to have such a group that lends support to anyone who feels stifled creatively, give out constructive advice, or applaud any such effort they make.

I'm hoping that happens soon. It's always nice to make progress with people who understand what you're going through. People who have the same interests and want to help you reach the finish line because they're headed in the same direction.

So, if you're out there, let me know. A literary support group would be a great thing.

Aspire

Sometimes I just don't understand the lack of interest. What I'm doing and the purpose of this blog isn't something some people really understand anyways. I get that. I'm okay with that.

In my life, I have always had to struggle to achieve things. I know what it's like to have to push myself to the end result of my goal. Accomplishing my dream as a writer is definitely no different. In fact, it's the clearest example in my life when it comes to having to do this on my own.

My goal for this blog isn't really for myself. It's to help others realize their own potential; to really push themselves to see the end result of their own goals and dreams.

I want people to aspire to be better. Not just for themselves but for everyone around them. It's a selfish thing to only do things just for yourself. Don't be concerned how others may perceive you. Who cares what they think? It shouldn't be what you look like on the outside that matters. It's how you are in the inside that should matter. Everyone should think like that. Do they? No. Not at all.

I want what I'm doing to matter in the world. I want to help aspire people to stand up and achieve things. Life is too short for trivial/materialistic ways of thinking.

One day, people will realize what I've been doing is important. Then, maybe, it will spark interest. People will aspire to be better. You'll see that one day this wasn't all for my own sake. My writing isn't for me.

Take a moment and think about what you truly aspire to be. Don't be afraid to discuss it with people. You can discuss it with me if you want. I don't mind at all. I want to help people realize their own potential and dreams.

How I Find Inspiration (And Take Care of Writer's Block)

I was finally able to write again today. It's refreshing to be able to get over writer's block when it always seems to stand in your way.

Let me share a few tips with you in case you lose inspiration and writer's block gets in the way of your writing. I usually do these things in order to get over the frustration.

1. Journal about anything. It doesn't matter if it makes any sense at all. Just free-write thoughts on paper, no matter how silly they may seem. At the end of it, you might be able to find ideas that spark some inspiration.

2. Listen to music. I always find music to be very inspiring. It also can soothe your frustrations and put you in a calming mood.

3. Write a poem. Poetry helps put you in a creative mind set. Make the poems more challenging each time so you can stretch your imagination.

4. Go outside. When the weather is nice, I enjoy sitting outside, either writing or reading a book. Sunshine helps better my mood and sparks creativity for me. Of course, this only pertains if weather is permitting.

5. Make sure you are in a quiet environment. Distractions do not help erase writer's block. The imagination can flourish if you can go into a peaceful setting and let your mind wander.

Inspiration is always needed in order to progress your writing. Once that goes away, you can encounter a horrible case of writer's block which is something no writer needs. Don't be afraid to set your own boundaries in your writing. Write for yourself and make sure it'll be something you can be proud of. Leave your frustrations at the door and just write!

They Have Support Groups For Everything....

I need a writer's support group. Something that helps guide me and keep me focused towards my goal. I can't find one though. Frustration is not my friend. Henry, my writer's block, is definitely not my friend.

Someone hand me something to break through this brick wall standing in my way. Please?

Reflection

It's been almost a year since I graduated college with a bachelors degree in English. Even  though I wasn't able to technically go out into the "real world", I've learned about a lot of things. About how the world works, how people change, how I've changed, and life in general.

Even though I'm constantly plagued with that nagging self-doubt I have, I've discovered a dream I buried deep. It's a constant struggle to prove myself when there is so much disbelief around me, but I'm trying. I know more about myself than I ever have. That's quite a powerful thing. Yes, I have changed. Quite a bit actually. To be honest, I'm quite content with the person I am now. The person I was when I was in high school was not a happy person. I was miserable because I felt like I had to conform to whoever they wanted me to be. Either way, I was miserable, I guess.

By the time I graduated college, I changed who I really wanted to be. I make no apologies for what I want to do. I'm not going to let anyone walk all over me any longer. If you don't like me, then that's your problem. Take it or leave it. 

I also rediscovered my passion for writing again in college. One day, people will notice my talents. If I change a few misconceptions about people and life, then I've done what I set out to do. It's not a selfish act. It's not some trendy thing. You can take that or leave it as well.

So, watch out for what I can do. You're going to be pleasantly surprised once you see it. Once you experience it. 

Breaking

Lately, I haven't made much progress and it's frustrating me. I'm not exactly sure what's going on. All I know is that I'm just not feeling like myself right now.

I looked back at previous writing I've done for school and such. I hate to admit that it all sounds a hell of a lot better than what my novel sounds at the moment.  It's been a constant struggle to produce what I have so far. A struggle between myself and my own self-doubts. Hell, it's been a fight with the people who bring me down every day. The ones who don't believe in me. The ones who don't understand.

Is it too much to ask for someone to believe in me?

I would never vocally ask for that. Maybe my own pride gets in the way. I just don't want to be a burden to anyone.

Writing is a dream of mine and I would never give that up. I'm just breaking down here. I'm going through a lot and that has caused my writing to suffer a great deal. I just want to know that it's not all for nothing. I need to make myself believe that it may not be some superficial trend that everyone is into these days, but it is worth the struggle. What I'm doing is interesting and worthy. Nobody should take that away from me.

Sometimes, though, it's really hard to hold onto. That's all I'm saying.

I'm sure mostly everyone has gone through some pretty dark days. This is one of mine. Well, many of them anyways. I usually don't let people see them. Again, I don't want to burden anyone with my own problems when they probably have their own. I get through them.

Maybe I should focus on something different, writing wise. I need to clear my head and try to get things back to the way they used to be. It's just hard sometimes.

Moving Forward

I've been away for awhile without internet. Last week was really rough. I didn't do much writing nor did I really even think about writing. I know what the main problem is. My own self doubts plague my mind sometimes. Okay, most of the time. I really believe that it's hard to be able to work on something in an environment that doesn't produce creativity. But, I'm going to do my best and continue to strive towards my goals.

The main thing I need to keep in mind is that I can do this. It is possible to achieve this and it isn't a stupid, waste of time like others say. I do have talent. I just need to let go of all the doubt I'm feeling, the doubt that is holding me back. Once I do that, I'll be ready to work.

It'll happen.

Tomorrow begins a new day with a new attitude. I'm going to move past all the drama that's been going on around me and push forward to my goals. It's time for me to be selfish and do something that makes me happy for once.

Warm Weather

I love spring time. There's just something about warm weather and sunshine that makes me so productive. These past couple of days, I opened the curtains on my bedroom window and sat on my bed with my laptop. I finished chapter 12 and 13 with the sun shining outside. It was great. If I did find myself stuck on something, I just stopped and looked out the window for awhile. What can I say, I'm a day dreamer.

I spend my days helping out around the house and working on this novel. Sometimes, this may just be thinking about how the characters or the plot is going or doing research. Then, I may get lucky and be able to write a few chapters.  I know that one day, I'll get it finished and once I do, I can send it out to agents and get published. I keep that goal always in my mind.

While I'm doing that, I keep looking for jobs. It's a never ending process these days. But I'll keep hoping one will come along soon. Very soon.

You Brought It Up

The past is the past,
Can’t we just leave it at that?
Relationships might end,
But the clock continues to tick.
The world keeps on turning
Even though we couldn’t keep the peace.
Why are you still so angry at me?
You brought it up.
I’m giving it all away.
The pain,
The anger,
The bitterness
The resentment.
I’m standing up for myself today
You can’t control me anymore.
Walk away and be selfish again.
Don’t get offended with what I say.
Because you brought it up.

A "Dark" Poem.

Murderer

You’re nothing but a murderer.
Slinking out into the dark night without a sound.
Your whole being kills everything in sight.
Without remorse, without feeling.
Your victims are strewn across the floor,
You step over them gingerly,
Not wanting to disturb the dead.
Be aware!  The cops are coming.
I called them when I heard you sneak in.
I could hear every step, every move,
Every single breath you made.
My heart begins to pound.
I watch as the door starts to squeak open.
The thud of your steps echo in my mind
As I recall the stories of this nightmare.
The nightmares you have caused.
Please, oh please, I beg you.
Don’t do this to me.
I can see the blood on your hands
And the evil glint in your eyes.
The police sirens scream in the dark.
Breaking the horrible silent night.
Red and blue lights flash.
You creep slowly towards me.
You know you’re running out of time.
I want people to know the truth about you.
The one who tries to take it all away.
A murderer of my heart.

Take This Into Consideration

My creativity hasn't been spot on lately. It's hard when you feel like you have to prove so much to so many people. People who fill those nasty doubts in your head, the ones who make you feel like you're never going to accomplish anything.

Every day, I sit in front of my laptop and work on my novel. Sometimes I have really great days where I accomplish quite a bit. Then, there are days when I don't do so great and not a lot gets written. It's not about how much you produce, it's about the quality, right?

I like to think so.

I've mentioned this before, but this is still really bugging me. The whole "why are you doing this?" "Why write a novel?" My response is "Why not?" I don't see how what I'm doing is so different from everyone else. Sure, it's not an easy thing to achieve but isn't that what makes it so special? I can make a difference in someone's life. It's not a shallow or selfish product for me. Sure, I'm doing what I want to do, but it's not really for my own benefit. And that's what really matters.

I know that people are still going to question me and not even try to understand what I'm doing. I'll put up with it. One day, they will see why this means so much to me. Maybe they will understand then that it's a good thing I wasn't doing what everyone else was. I'm not wasting my time doing something trivial and stupid.

A little support every now and then would be nice though.

Let It Be

Whenever I feel stuck and find myself in a dark place, I listen to this song. This song has saved me from a lot and has made me realize some things. It's easy to get frustrated and want to give up. I know, I've been there. But, there is just so much strength in standing up and letting things be the way they are right now. I can't change the way some things have ended up. I wish things were different. I wish it was so easy to get this book written and then I'd be a successful author. But life isn't that easy. The Beatles say it a lot better than I do.




When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

I wish I had the answers people want. But, I don't. And it hurts to know there are going to be people out there that I can't help. That are hurting so bad and need relief. I'm just that kind of person. That's why my books are going to have a purpose.. a meaning.

Don't Let The Fear Control You

Today, I worked on finishing up a chapter of the novel. I also decided to finish up a couple scenes in the screenplay that I haven't worked on in quite a few months. It was just something that I felt I should look over today.

My writing has been lacking yet again. I'm not sure where my head has been at lately. Something has been holding me back and I'm not exactly sure what it is. The stress I've been experiencing has really started to bring me down to another level. There's only so much a person can deal with before reaching their own breaking point. There are times when I feel like I have nowhere to turn.. the loneliness really creeps its way in at night. My anxiety has been rearing its ugly head. That's something I'll always have to battle anyways.

During the summer of 2006, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder/Panic Disorder after going through horrible panic attacks. These panic attacks ruled  my life. They ruled where I went and what I did. I didn't want to be alone for fear that it would happen when no one was around and something bad would happen to me.  I learned how to fight through them and made sure they didn't take control of myself any longer. Sometimes, they try to sneak back into my life especially this past year of uncertainty and fear. I do my best to push them away.

At the moment, I'm plotting out another novel to write after this one is finished. I think this one is really going to define who I am as a writer and as a person. It's important to define you are in this life. You need to make people aware of your talents and be proud of what you do. I try not to listen to the people who try to bring me down and take away what is most precious to me. Those things are my determination, my talent, and my dedication to the craft I'm involved in.

Like anyone else, I've had to go through battles that could have ruined who I am. These past few years have really tested my own inner strength. I use my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Don't let those weaknesses or fears hold you back from what you love. Don't let them control who you are.

Not Perfect

Not Perfect

Take a walk in my shoes,

and see the road I've traveled,

the things I've seen,

and the things I've been through.

Your road must have been nice.

Smooth  like a highway

with directions on where to go.

My road has been hell,

a rutted, rocky dirt road

with  no signs for me to follow.

I've been lost so many times,

but you can't understand.

You may not be able to.

Before you start to criticize,

remember just one thing.

People travel on different roads,

see different things,

have different experiences on the way.

So kick off your designer high heels,

and step into my worn shoes.

I'll caution you before you start,

My road's not perfect.

It's Always The Same Thing

If I was given a dollar for every lecture my step-father has given me about my future, I would be a very rich woman right now. Of course, that is what he wants for me as he told me this afternoon. He wants me to give up my "pointless dreams" of being a writer, get out there and get a real job. He says the same things every time:

      "You aren't going to make any money doing that."
      "Why would you waste your time writing anyways?"
      "I just want you to realize your full potential in life."

And to all of these I tell him that I don't really care about being rich. If it happens, it happens. I'm doing this because it makes me happy and I hope that I can help entertain others with novels they enjoy reading. And hopefully, they can get something meaningful out of it.

Also, I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. How is doing something you love such a bad thing? How is that viewed as being a waste of time? To me, it isn't a waste at all. It should never be a waste.

My full potential, huh? Maybe writing is what I'm supposed to do. Maybe this is my "calling" so to speak. I know that the reason why people can't understand my love for writing. It's because it's unheard of around here.  I was told I need to get out there, get married and have a couple of kids. That's just not on my agenda right now. I'm doing something different and nobody wants to take the time to hear me out.

Do I get frustrated by all the doubts from people? Sure, at times. But, I also know that I need to keep going for myself. Only I really know my full potential and that's what I'm doing. I'm putting forth my full potential in my writing and one day, I will get noticed for it. Someone will see it and publish my works.

So, my step-dad can keep the lectures coming. It's just fueling my desire to continue to write.

Henry, Go Away. (My plea to my writer's block)

Sorry for the lack of updates recently. We can blame it on many things, but let's say say that motivation and no inspiration were huge factors. My writing has also taken a huge blow to these things. Yet, this recent bout of writer's block (or whatever it may be) has only made me realize that I need to push even harder to get things accomplished.

I really need to start taken my future into my own hands and not let other people's decisions mold mine. I can't even tell you how many people have told me this: "Writing is such a hard occupation to get into." This is something I realize. The thing is, it is something I love with all of my heart and it's not something I can just put on the back burner anymore. I have to do this for me now. 

Hopefully, this revelation will help move me towards the finish line without another hitch. Of course, I know I'll probably face a few more along the way whether I want to or not. What matters is how you face and fight your way through them.

When people tell me that writing isn't something people can get rich off of doing, I always tell them that I know that I have to do something else in order to get by. That is, if I would get hired. I got another job rejection letter (well, in this case, an e-mail) from the job my former English professor sent me. The job was filled but they thanked me for my interest in the company. They also wished me luck with all of my future endeavors. It's always the same thing.

Rejection is just apart of life. It's something we all have to get used to. Another rejection only makes me stronger and I know that something good is out there for me. I just have to keep working towards it.

So, remember what I said before, Henry (yes I have named my writer's block..). I meant it. You weren't wanted then and you're still not wanted now.

Patience Means Progressing

The novel is progressing as nicely as I could hope. I'm not trying to force it to go any farther/faster than it should. I don't want to produce a horrendous book just because I was in a hurry to get it done. Some people want instantaneous results. They don't want to take the time to actually create something of quality and be proud of that.  Writers should be patient and passionate about their craft. Don't force what you're working on just to get it finished. Take your time and just go with it.

There are times when I get so frustrated because my novel isn't going as quickly as I want. I do get impatient and forget to just relax. Sometimes, I wish I could have a kind of physical trainer for writing. Someone who stands beside and motivates me to keep writing whenever I get stuck. There are times when I need that push to keep going. Not so sure how I would deal with the pressure of someone yelling at me in my ear as I write, but, hey, I can deal with it. :)

Writing Prompt #6

I haven't posted a writing prompt in awhile so I decided to get back into that for everyone. I hope that these are helpful for any aspiring writer out there who needs some help getting into the writing groove.

Write a page describing your favorite character from a movie, television show, or book. Talk about about physical and personality descriptions. Also, discuss what this character does in his or her daily life, ie: occupation, hobbies, likes and dislikes. What about his family? Does he spend time with them? Or do they not get along? Be as specific as possible.

To Celebrate the Upcoming Arrival of Spring.

 Time of Changing Seasons

The leaves  on the bare trees start to grow

as a new season approaches.

It is time to start anew,

a time to start fresh.

A time to let go of the past,

and all of the pain.

I take a breath of fresh air

in the new springtime breeze

as it blows by me.

Gentle and cool.

I try to let go of things I cannot change,

things that were out of my control.

But, it's so hard with so many questions

Questions left unanswered.

Questions taken to the grave,

never to be revealed.

That is in the past,

and I must concentrate on the present

and my future.

It's time to start over

like the changing of the seasons.

It's time to change myself.

The Importance of Emotion

As I'm watching The Academy Awards, it has really motivated me to write. I don't know what it is about seeing clips of movies that does that for me, but it has helped me see that moving stories are important today.  People are interested in emotional story lines as long as they are done in a powerful way. Who is to say that I can't win an Oscar one day for Best Screenplay? I know that it can be a possibility if I set my mind to it.

Stories and movies help bring about lives that people may not be aware of. They can be brought into experiences they have never had and hopefully, it moves them to the point where it changes their lives. That's the beauty of powerful storytelling.  It's all about the emotions of it. The kinds of emotions that can tug at your heart and not let go. If you're still thinking about the characters and the story a year later, then you know it's a powerful thing.

Writers should never be afraid of bringing about any sense of emotion in their projects. Write with both your heart and your head. Never be afraid of making people cringe, mad, happy, or cry like a baby. That's what you want. You want them to feel these things so powerfully that it truly affects them.

I want to be a fearless writer. I want to bring about emotions in my readers. These are things that I desire most of all.

I Miss You, Dad (P.S. This Post is Not About Writing)

Today would have been my dad's 72nd birthday. He passed away when I was 15 years old after long years of being an alcoholic.

My dad was amazing. I wish you all could have met him. He had his weaknesses but he always knew how to put his kids first.  I miss him a lot. My parents divorced when I was about 4 years old. I'll admit it was always hard to go back and forth from my mom and dad. Once my mom remarried, my brother, Mike and I, were moved far away from him. That was very difficult especially when he started a downward spiral from alcohol. I wasn't there when he went into rehab and became sober. I couldn't have been more proud of him for staying sober for two years until his death.

My heart still hurts even after all these years when his birthday rolls around and I'm not able to call him up and wish him a happy birthday. People should know not to take anyone for granted. Take this moment and tell the people you care about that you love and appreciate them because you never know what may happen.

So, this post is dedicated to my dad, William. Happy birthday, Dad. I love you and miss you everyday.

Misconceptions of the Writer

Sometimes it's hard not to lose focus when you're surrounded by so much disbelief. I just want to be able to do what I love and achieve something but some see it as "living in a fantasy world" because it's not something most people strive to do around here.

I live in a very rural area. Once they graduate high school, most girls around here either marry their high school sweethearts and have a few kids or they become a nurse. Nursing is a very popular occupation in this area because it's not hard to find a job here after your schooling. Some do go off to college like I did but it's usually to become a teacher. After those girls graduate, they come back to this area and teach at their high school. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with doing these things. They are just not what I want for myself. I want to be a writer and  once people in this area here that, they begin to scratch their heads and wonder what is wrong with me.

That's when I get labeled as a "slacker". Why? Because, supposedly, writers don't accomplish hard work. They just sit around and type on their computers all day while everyone else is working a real job and breaking a sweat. This is when I get frustrated. Most writers do work very hard to produce their works to the public. In fact, most writers work other "real" jobs because writing doesn't really pay all the bills. So, yes, writers do a lot more than what most people think.

So, whenever someone around here questions my abilities or hands out criticism, I just smile and learn to be patient. One day, maybe they will understand where I'm coming from, and if not, then that's okay. This is my life to live and it's my dream to accomplish. I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing this because I feel like it's what I was meant to do.

The next time someone doubts your own abilities or dreams, just sit back and be patient. Strive to prove them wrong and show that you are capable to accomplish anything.

"It is impossible to discourage real writers - they don't give a damn what you say, they're going to write."

                                              -Sinclair Lewis, American novelist, playwright, and short-story writer.

New Look

You may (or may not) have noticed the layout has been changed on here. I decided to change things up a bit. It was time for a brand new look. I was watching Ghost Hunters on television and decided to give this blog a makeover during commercials. :) So, I hope you all enjoy the new layout.

Today, I was too stressed out to write. I couldn't get myself to relax and focus on the task. The night is still young so maybe I can get some work done before bed time. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I hope all of your projects are continuing on a great path!

:)

Constructive Criticism

Today, my step father asked me if he could read my book. Of course, he asked in a very disbelieving, sarcastic tone in which I told him no. I don't mind a few select people reading what I have so far in order to see what their views are on it. My step father is not one of those who gives out constructive criticism. He is a person who doesn't believe you're going to succeed in achieving any of your dreams, mainly because he hasn't done a thing with his life.

I like to surround myself with people who are creative and imaginative. The kinds of people who know what they want out of life and strive hard to get it. It's hard to accomplish things in this environment that I'm in, but at the moment I have no choice. Sometimes, writers have to work in settings that aren't comfortable. You have to deal with these situations in order to stay on track with your writing. I try and write every day, no matter how tired or sick I may be feeling. It doesn't matter how much you write; you can write one sentence or one page, just as long as you write something. It's amazing how much you can accomplish just by doing this every day.

Concerning those nasty critics who like to bring me down , (i.e.: my step father and the infamous Critic Boy), I try not to pay any attention to their negativity. The one thing that motivates me is positivity. That is how you can make progress in whatever project you are working on.

If you need to give out criticism to anyone, make sure it's constructive. Be helpful and let them know what isn't going so well, but do it a way that won't hurt any feelings. Try and make suggestions that might get them back on the right track if they need it. 

A Birthday Tribute to Dr. Seuss

Today, we celebrate what would have been Dr. Seuss' 106th birthday. You might have noticed that I pretty much adore that man. I grew up reading his books and I still read them to this day. I'm not ashamed to admit that, you know.

Here are some Dr. Seuss facts for this special day:

1. He was born on March 2nd, 1904 with the name Theodor Seuss Geisel, in Springfield Massachusetts.

2. He graduated from Dartmouth College in 1925.

3. Before he was the well-known author, he was a cartoonist.

4. His first book, And To Think I Saw It On Mulberry Street was rejected 29 times before it was published.

5. Dr. Seuss' most popular books are The Cat In The Hat and Green Eggs and Ham.

6. The Dr. Seuss National memorial was unveiled in 2002 in his hometown of Springfield, Massachusetts.

7. The Lorax had an environmentalism theme, saying how humans were destroying the Earth.

8. The voice actor who does the Tony the Tiger voice sings "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" in the animated version of How The Grinch Stole Christmas. He is uncredited.

9. His father was the curator at a local zoo in Springfield.

10. His pen name comes from his middle name, Seuss. The Dr. part comes from the fact that his father wanted him to be a doctor.

11. The last book published before his death in 1991 was Oh The Places You'll Go!. This book is commonly read at graduations around the world.

That's only a few facts that I have researched over the years about the great author. During my senior English class, I once did a paper over Dr. Seuss. His legacy still lives on through his amazing books. Go read one today in honor of his birthday.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.            -Dr. Seuss

A Challenge For The Imagination

When I attended college, I would often make up short (and sometimes not so short) stories for my friends. It was something that entertained us on the times when we didn't want to do school work. I didn't realize it at the time, but participating in those story times helped enhance my creativity. I didn't plan anything out beforehand. I just went in and went with whatever came to mind. Some of those stories came out very well. The first one spawning my desire to write a screenplay. Of course, there have been a few that didn't turn out as nicely as the others, but that's how it works sometimes. You can't be perfect.

So, I challenge all of those who desire to be more creative in their lives to sit down right now and write a short story. There is no need to make it the best story ever written. This is to help enhance your imagination and make you feel more comfortable as a writer. Don't think, just write. Let me know how it works for you. :)

Looking Forward

In a previous entry (featuring a picture of the late, great Dr. Seuss!) I talked about rejection. I'm almost at the point where I'm going to start researching publishers and such to get my novel out there. This can be a very daunting task. You don't want to rush into something just to get published. I want to make the best decision I can in order to make what I have written worthwhile. That's how anyone should approach life in general. Don't rush into any kind of decision. Think about it and go from there.

This novel is very important to me. It's like my child. I've been spending time with it everyday for hours now. If you aspire to do something, make sure you are dedicated to it. If you are, everything will fall into place. I'm trying to get my own life together in order to make something of myself in the future. I just want to be successful and make a difference.

"We'll never know
If we don't let go
To the things that hold us and control us
We're catching up
Up to the moment
In every moment lies a chance to win"
-Benton Paul "Run"

What This Means To Me

The stuff I write always has a purpose. There's always a meaning behind it. I don't want to just write because I can. Being a writer isn't really a get rich quick kind of thing. You shouldn't be into something just for the money anyways.

I am doing this because it's what I love to do. It fills a void in me. And if I can write something that helps people walk away with a different view on things then that's even better.

Currently, I'm almost through with chapter 10. I got to a part I was looking forward to write since I started the novel. Once I get to the pivotal point in the plot, I'm sure things will be smooth sailing. It's frustrating having to wait until the part but it'll be so worth it once I do.

That's Right, Another Poem.

This poem is a bit depressing. It came from a short story that I wrote a long, long time ago.


Always Waiting For You

The cold wind sings its lonely song,
playing it just for me.
God only knows how long I've been standing here,
waiting for you.
I'll keep on waiting for you.
People pass by and stare at me,
with their looks of disbelief.
I hear what they say,
"She's gone crazy, standing there,
waiting for a guy who'll never come back."
I just want to hold you in my arms again.
Feel your warm touch.
Hear your sweet voice in my ear.
I want to clutch onto you so tight,
just to make sure you'll never leave again.
I make a plea on my knees to send you back.
Please, oh, please come back to me.
The tears just won't stop falling.
Come back and wipe them away.
The wind is blowing colder
and the rain has started pouring.
But I'm still out here, wet and cold.
Still waiting, always waiting for you.
And instead of clutching you so tight,
I'm clutching onto your cold stone,
waiting for you.

Writing Prompt #5

Look out the window and describe everything you see as best as you can. Don't leave out anything. Describe the sounds, the colors, the smells, the people you see. Now write a free verse poem based on that.

A New Perspective

I think I've been working so hard on my novel, I now have a major tension headache. At least it's from working too hard and not hard enough. That's a way to look at it, anyways.

Right now, I'm working on another poem. It just kind of hit me, so I'm trying to make that sound okay. Maybe I'll post it tomorrow. Depends on my mood. :)

I have been doing a lot of thinking today. I like to play that 'what if' game. What if I had done things differently in my life. The whole instant regret thing I like to do. I probably should have done things a bit differently in college. I should have been more outgoing. I shouldn't have let certain people (who do not read this blog, so everyone who does is fine. No worries.) treat me the way they did. I should have done more with the English department.. maybe asserted myself a bit more. Made myself stand out in the crowd instead of blend into the background. I just did the work they gave me and went on with my days. My last year went by in a blur and I didn't do a damn thing to be proud of. My resume looks bland.. my English degree is gathering dust on my dresser.

But then again, I can do something with my life now. I can go on to publish the novels I want to and make something of myself now to prove everyone else that I can do it. That they are wrong about me. I'm not a failure. I'm not a loser. I can't go back to those college days where I didn't really do the things I wanted to do. But the people who brought me down in those days aren't really in my life anymore. Cleaning up some of them was a very hard decision on my part but again, this is my life and I have to take care of myself. I can't have that kind of negativity anymore. Do I miss some of them? Sure. Do I wish them well? Absolutely. But I just couldn't handle the drama anymore.

I feel better now. Thanks for "listening" haha.

Back to writing, I go.

The Perfect Day

Today while writing on the novel, I truly felt like this was what I was supposed to do. It was like I got the honest passion for it again. I haven't felt like that since high school. I began to write today and didn't stop for a few hours. I can honestly say it's a very peaceful time to be sitting in front of your computer and just letting it all flow into the story. And when it goes actually sounds like it's making sense then it's perfect. You can't beat that. I can only hope that everyone else can experience that feeling with whatever they truly enjoy doing. It doesn't matter if it's writing, drawing, listening to music, working.. as long as you are in the moment and having the best time of your life then it's worth it. Never give up hope that things can get better because they can. Goals and dreams can be achieved if you work hard enough at it. Anything is possible. I refuse to forget that.

Times may be hard right now. I am one of many people who are unemployed right now. I have a very expensive college degree sitting on my dresser right now but it doesn't matter much right now. I'm sure that in time it will matter to someone. But right now, I'm not going to get down and say that it's all pointless because it's not. Things will get better. :) I believe that. If my writing can help inspire others to go for what they want to do then it really is worth all the struggles and dark times. Just go for what you want to do. Who cares what anyone else says, you know?

Guess what time it is?? No..it's poem time, silly. :)

I decided I'm going to post another poem tonight. I wrote this poem for a creative writing I took in college. I liked it. We had to find a picture on the internet and write a poem based on it. I went and found this picture of this shaggy haired guy leaning against a beat up van, playing an acoustic guitar. If I still had the picture I would post it but alas, I don't have the picture but I do have the poem. Here it is:



Sorcerer of Music

He leaned onto the van and held his guitar tightly,
Staring up at me with that crooked grin,
his eyes asking me for my song.
He picked the strings lightly as he waited.
A soft melodic tune played, lulling my eyes closed.
I could still see his image burn bright in my head.
His wavy hair, big brown eyes and long fingers
that continuously manipulated the strings.
It was mesmerizing.
It was haunting.
It was so many things I couldn’t speak.
He cleared his throat and my eyes opened.
He began to sing a song I never heard
But wanted to hear over and over again.
Like water rushing through a stream,
the excitement of the music went through me.
He knew the magic he held within,
a sorcerer of music, power in his hands.
This man without a name
who contained the music within my soul.

Writing Prompt #4

Write a news feature based on any fairy tale.

Even Dr. Seuss Got Rejected...

Ah, rejection. The thought of being rejected makes my stomach twist into knots. I have yet to be rejected by any publishers but I know it'll happen. Every writer is rejected at one point in their lives. But I have to overcome my fear of rejection because it's not a reason to not try at all. Life is hard but breaking through all barriers and achieving a life-long dream will make it all worthwhile.

So even though I will probably be rejected by numerous publishers, it only takes one to say yes. And one will.

Even the great children's book author, Theodor Geisel (aka: Dr. Seuss) was rejected 29 times before his book, To Think I Saw It On Mulberry Street, was published. So there's always hope. :) That man is one of my literary heroes.

Poem Time

Here's a poem I wrote about five years or so ago. I found it in an old poetry notebook that I used.

Just Your Ugly Sweater (Laundry Day)

Like a sweater discarded in a closet,
I am shoved away,
stored in a musty attic,
in a cardboard box filled with mothballs,
brought out only when needed.
I cry out loud for you to hear me,
but you don't seem to listen.
You're too busy with your other sweaters.
Sweaters more durable and vibrant,
with no holes or wears and tears.
I'm just your ugly "grandpa" sweater,
one you only wear on laundry day.
A sweater to be ashamed of.
I'm not your second best,
your third or fourth even.
I'm just the ugly sweater you put away.
Never to really be considered.
Except for maybe on laundry day.

Writing Prompt #3

Imagine going out on your very first blind date. Write a metered rhymed poem about the experience.

Everything is Alright

More writing was achieved today. It's just moving along..finally.

I do have some issues with how the plot is going. It's actually twisted into a way I didn't really foresee but I think the way it did work out is a lot better than I originally planned. Mapping out the plot beforehand has really helped though. It's nice to have something to fall back on whether it works out that way or not. I'm just going with the flow. I'll edit later.

Writing Prompt #2

Write about a person who gets stuck in an elevator on a very important day. Who is it? When does this happen? What happens?

This Week, The Trend

More writing has been accomplished for today. I'm on a roll. It's really all about self-discipline and motivating yourself to do it. If I don't motivate myself, it won't happen. But, now I'm on chapter eight and I'm pretty sure I know where to go next, it just may take some tweaking here and there to get it to that point. I don't want to have a story that drags on and on.

On a different note, I applied for a writer's job at a non-profit organization. Of course along with a bachelor's degree they require at least two years job-related experience. It's all they want these days. Experience. I don't have that much said experience but I do have that very expensive, spiffy English degree, people. 

I am a writer. I have experience as a writer. Maybe not in the professional sense they are requiring, but I do know how to write properly. I know how to do research. I know how to do things. But, of course, there are probably people out there who have that experience they are looking for. That's how it is. But I applied so I can't say I never tried. Again, I get so frustrated with how things have worked out. The disappointment is getting stifling. But I keep on going because I'm young and that's what I have to do. That's life.

One day, I will get recognized for my writing. One day, people will notice what I'm doing and it's going to make a difference to so many people.

Writing Prompt For The Day

Close your eyes and think back to one of your happiest memories. Write about that memory, using as many descriptions as you can.

Onto Chapter Seven....

It feels really great to be able to say that I'm not on chapter seven of my novel. Things are progressing rather well but of course, we'll see how I feel about that once I'm on the rewrite stage.

My characters are also progressing and hopefully they are standing out on their own. I like to develop strong characters that people either love or hate. There should be no in between. Their emotions should be felt by the reader. Their anger, sadness, love, betrayal....everything. Writing holds no boundaries. I'm just going for it.

I was given some advice the other day. Just don't hold back and go for it. You won't achieve anything if you don't do something. If you have a passion for something, then don't hold back.

Which brings me to my most recent post. It was more of a rant towards those who refuse to believe in what I'm trying to do because it just doesn't make sense to them. It's not doing what others are doing. I'm trying to express my own creativity and some people don't understand that. That was what I was trying to get at it in my last post.

To be a writer (or whatever you decide to be), a person really needs to let go of all insecurities and just be who you are. Put your heart and soul into what you do. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Just be you, you know?

Now I'll get on to writing chapter eight. :)

Believe

The frustrations of doing this are mind blowing. The stress of it all is out of this world insanity.

I understand that some people just don't get it. They don't get the whole novelist idea. The desire to be something where you can create a whole different world and characters to go with it.

I'm just trying to accomplish a life-long dream. I'm merely trying to do something I'm passionate about. I'm not doing this just to pass the time. I'm not just trying to get attention. Because let me tell you, most people could care less about this whole thing. It doesn't concern them. It's not apart of their every day lives.

Is that what frustrates me? I would be lying if I said it wasn't a part of it. Sure, I want to be noticed as a great writer someday. I want others to take note of the struggles I have to go through to accomplish this because I feel it matters. It all matters. I just want people to look past the superficial part of their lives and look deep into themselves and realize their own dreams. To go for it. Stop being afraid of who you are and what you really want in life. I feel it's all worth the fight to get. To be truly happy. Writing is what makes me happy. It's sad to know that there are people out there who haven't really realized what makes them happy. They may think they know but really don't. They're wasting away, trying to find the next fix to make them happy.

I don't even know where this post came from. It's almost two in the morning and I should be in bed. I have to write in the morning....

New Poem

Here is the poem that I wrote the other day.

Hello Loneliness

Your body disappears like a wisp of smoke
Through my fiercely clenched hands.
Turned so white at the knuckle.
Desperate and confused,
My heart pounds faster as I watch
It all evaporate into nothing.
All the memories and laughter,
The many tears and the anger.
Nothing will ever bring you back
There are no words I could express
No tears that I could cry.
I would give the world to see you once more.
To see your bright smile,
Your smiling joyful eyes.
But there is nothing I could say.
Except for goodbye to you.
And hello to loneliness.

It's still a pretty rough version but this is the jest of it. Concerning my novel, I still haven't really written anything on it but I have done some editing. And I have thought about scenes. Hopefully, tomorrow, I can get my brain around to writing on it. We shall see.

One of These Days

I didn't get any writing done on the novel today. Still feel kinda crappy and worn out from being sick last week. But I did manage to write a poem today. It kinda came out of the blue. Gotta love moments like that. I'll try and post it tomorrow once I polish it up.

Yesterday, I also managed to work on a bit of the screenplay. It surprised me that I even opened the document, much less felt like working on it. This screenplay has left me feeling so hopeless and confused on so many occasions but I'm not giving up on it. It's like my baby.

So I guess I was more productive on certain things than I thought.

Under the Weather....Again.

Come to find out, being really sick doesn't lead to much productivity either. I've been feeling under the weather for the past two days so writing hasn't really been on my mind. Sleeping and getting better have. Lots and lots of sleeping.

Maybe I'll feel better enough tomorrow to dive back into my novel. I was getting to a good part...

The Remedy

Novel progress: I managed 2 pages today. I shut myself in my room, got as comfortable as I could and started to type. There were a few moments when I stopped and thought about what people would think about this part or that part. Then, I realized that that is what is holding me back. What people might think... who really cares? Yeah, some people are not going to like it but I'm hoping that there will be people who do like it. They might love it. They might feel the circumstances and the issues that my characters are going through because they might be going through the same thing. Maybe this novel will speak to someone so much that they figure out their own lives. And that is what should matter. Being able to speak to someone.

That's what is going to keep me going. My love for this and my desire make an impact in someone's life. I know I have read books that have made me think differently about certain things.

Now off to make more progress. :)

Snowed In

I have lost count how many people have told me that snow days lead to such productivity. Really? Well, let's see here, snow is falling outside my window as I type this and has been since early this morning. Let me check my progress for the day on this novel. Hmm.. not seeing the productivity here.

I guess it just depends on who the person is and the situation they are in. Am I stressed? You bet. Do I feel like I'm in an environment that oozes of creativity? Definitely not. Far from it, my friends.

My guess is that if I were not living at home with the family, I would have gotten a lot more accomplished writing wise. Snow days here just mean everyone is stuck in the house and bitching at each other. I don't know how many times my mom came into my room today to either ask me to do something or tell me some story.

I would love to be living in a place where I could just write without any interruptions. Or be able to go to a place that truly inspires creativity. But, at the moment, I'm not there. So, I have to deal.

Now, that mostly everyone has went to bed (my mom likes to go to bed early on her days off), I plan on getting more done. Almost finished with chapter six. 27 pages. I guess that's an accomplishment so far, right?

I Make a Music Playlist For All of My Writing Projects

I guess you could say music is my muse nowadays..

The Writing Mood Playlist: (it's a long list)

Run --Benton Paul
The End --Silverstein
Mad World --Adam Lambert
Weightless --All Time Low
Only Ones Who Know --Arctic Monkeys
Sidewalks (Acoustic) --Story of the Year
Lullaby --The Spill Canvas
Konstantine --Something Corporate
I Want To Save You --Something Corporate
Apologize --Silverstein
Discovering The Waterfront --Silverstein
True Romance --Silverstein
My Heroine (Acoustic) --Silverstein
Call It Karma (Acoustic) --Silverstein
Hero Of War --Rise Against
Your Guardian Angel --The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Karma Police --Radiohead
The Balcony Scene --Pierce The Veil
Yeah Boy and Doll Face --Pierce The Veil
Northern Downpour --Panic At the Disco
Optimist (We Are Not For Them) --P.O.S.
Fireflies --Owl City
More Than Conquerors --Ocean Is Theory
Wonderwall --Oasis
Always Love --Nada Surf
Drive --Incubus
Comfortably Confused --I See Stars
Flightless Bird. American Mouth --Iron & Wine
Bruised --Jack's Mannequin
Rescued --Jack's Mannequin
21 Guns --Green Day
Are We The Waiting --Green Day
Love Me Tender --Elvis Presley
Title and Registration --Deathcab for Cutie
If It Means A Lot to You --A Day To Remember
If Not For My Glasses --Dear & The Headlights
Viva La Vida --Coldplay
The Scientist --Coldplay
Couldn't Let You Love Me --Closure In Moscow
I'm A Ghost Of Twilight --Closure In Moscow
Intensity In Ten Cities --Chiodos
A Letter From Janelle (Acoustic)--Chiodos
Lexington. (Joey Pea-Pot With A Monkey Face)--Chiodos
Life Is A Perception Of Your Own Reality --Chiodos
Diamonds --Breathe Carolina
Classified --Breathe Carolina
The Birds And The Bees --Breathe Carolina
No Vacancy --Breathe Carolina
Welcome To Savannah --Breathe Carolina
Hello Fascination --Breathe Carolina
Love Drunk --Boys Like Girls
Holiday --Boys Like Girls
There Is --Boxcar Racer
Let It Be --The Beatles
While My Guitar Gently Weeps --The Beatles
Hey Jude --The Beatles
Blackbird --The Beatles
Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da --The Beatles
Dear Prudence --The Beatles
The Remedy --Jason Mraz
The Middle --Jimmy Eat World
23 --Jimmy Eat World
The Heart Of Life --John Mayer
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room --John Mayer
In Repair --John Mayer
Free Fallin' (Live) --John Mayer
Lenny/Man On The Side --John Mayer
Goody, Like Two Shoes --Matchbook Romance
Singing Bridges (We All Fall) --Matchbook Romance
Say It Like You Mean It --Matchbook Romance
Anywhere But Here --Mayday Parade
Get Up --Mayday Parade
I Swear This Time I Mean It --Mayday Parade
Miserable At Best --Mayday Parade
You Be the Anchor..... --Mayday Parade
Everything is Alright --Motion City Soundtrack
Sink Into Me --Taking Back Sunday
Where My Mouth Is --Taking Back Sunday
Everything Must Go --Taking Back Sunday
New American Classic --Taking Back Sunday
…Slowdance On The Inside --Taking Back Sunday
Experimental Film --They Might Be Giants
Missing You --Tyler Hilton
When It Comes --Tyler Hilton
The Letter Song --Tyler Hilton
A Fault Line. A Fault of Mine --Underoath
Desolute Earth:: The End is Near --Underoath
The Space Between --Valencia
Island in the Sun --Weezer
Buddy Holly --Weezer
Battle Royale --The Word Alive
A Beautiful Lie --30 Seconds To Mars
The Kill --30 Seconds To Mars
Savior --30 Seconds To Mars
Still Around --3OH!3
Kings and Queens --30 Seconds to Mars

Time to Share

Here's a rough version of a poem I wrote a few days ago. Enjoy.


The Battle for Hope and Promise

I woke up this morning a changed person.
I became full of hope and promise.
Those feelings sprang inside me,
Rushing through me like water through a stream.
Who is to say what you can’t accomplish?
To dash my dreams with a single bitter word.
I stand up so strong ready for a fight
To fight for what I believe in.
To fight for my own dreams.
So be ready to draw your sword
Because I’m now a soldier
A soldier for hope and promise.

I Swear This Time I Mean It

Sometimes I have so many ideas floating around in my head that it's hard to focus on what is at hand. I'm sitting here in my room with John Mayer currently playing in the background. My novel is opened on my desktop and yet, here I am, not working on it. I looked over it. I edited it a bit. I scribbled some notes in my writing journal. And I realized the one thing that has been holding me back.

Self doubt.

I've been told so many times that I wouldn't be able to accomplish what I wanted to. That it was all a wasted effort so why even try? You'll never make it. You are just wasting your time. Those words finally soaked into my brain and hindered me from being able to do the one thing I have always wanted to do. The one thing I was always good at.

Well enough is enough. I'm going to get rid of this self doubt and prove everyone wrong. I don't need it.


And by the way, everything in life is writable only if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath

Fiction

I bought a couple writer's reference books a year ago to aid me in writing a better story. I thought they would help. You know the kind.. the ones that tell you you shouldn't do this and you should write this way. But make sure you don't use too many descriptions but you need just this much in order to get the plot going. And, oh, don't forget your characterizations. And dialog, dialog, dialog.

I mean, really?? Come on. I'm not an idiot. I know how to write. Well, at least, I did until I read those craptastic "books".

I even bought a book about getting rid of writer's block in 10 days. Yes. Supposedly after reading this book, you will be so enlightened to beat writer's block in only 10 days. I read the book. I did the stupid pointless exercises, making those lists with my dominant and non dominant hand.... I made the charts... I did everything. Did I beat writer's block in 10 days? No, my friends, I did not. I wasted 10 days doing all the stuff that was supposed to help. I want a refund.

Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall a few times.. it should only take a minute......

...................

Okay, I'm back. I did manage to write a page the other day. And today, I managed a whole sentence! Thank you. I'm quite proud of it myself. It's not that I don't have ideas. That's not my issue at the moment. The reason why I'm such a struggling writer is the fact that I cannot get focused. My inspiration isn't there. I'm stressed out to the max.

And I'm reading crappy writer's reference books that don't know what they're talking about!

I think I'll go read some Hemingway and get inspired. That man knew how to write.

Hello Alone

I sent the first six chapters of my novel to a woman I had Creative Writing class with. I felt like she would be honest with me and be constructive with her criticism (unlike Critic Boy...). She has yet to get back to me with what she thought but she did send me a message on facebook saying that she isn't completely finished yet but what she has read is and I quote: "Amazing." I'm not quite sure what that means but..I'll take it. It's better than what Critic Boy would say, I'm sure. I would hate to know what he would say. Probably something cynical and sarcastic because that's just how he is. I've learned to just take what he says with a grain of salt because it's not worth getting upset over. We all have our critics, right? And if I want to make this writing a profession and be successful about it, I need to learn to deal with the critics. That's just life.

I haven't really written in awhile though. I've come across yet another case of writer's block. I just can't get my head to focus with all the stress that I've been experiencing. If it isn't about friends, it's about family. I went out for a weekend with friends last weekend, and I came home only to be verbally attacked by my step dad while my mom was in the grocery store buying him yet another pack of cigarettes. This is what he said:

"Do you realize that everything you do, but breathe, costs people money?"

I didn't say anything.

He said: "And do you realize you've wasted half your life doing nothing?"

At this point, I became very upset and told him that that wasn't true and he really needed to learn how to count. I told him I can't get a job if there are no jobs out there.

He's just so frustrating. I don't know how much more I can take without having a complete nervous breakdown. This is why I can't write. Because I have no support. I know that's probably not true at all but I just don't hear it anymore. All I need is for you to ask me how my writing is going and such. That's it.