A New Perspective

I think I've been working so hard on my novel, I now have a major tension headache. At least it's from working too hard and not hard enough. That's a way to look at it, anyways.

Right now, I'm working on another poem. It just kind of hit me, so I'm trying to make that sound okay. Maybe I'll post it tomorrow. Depends on my mood. :)

I have been doing a lot of thinking today. I like to play that 'what if' game. What if I had done things differently in my life. The whole instant regret thing I like to do. I probably should have done things a bit differently in college. I should have been more outgoing. I shouldn't have let certain people (who do not read this blog, so everyone who does is fine. No worries.) treat me the way they did. I should have done more with the English department.. maybe asserted myself a bit more. Made myself stand out in the crowd instead of blend into the background. I just did the work they gave me and went on with my days. My last year went by in a blur and I didn't do a damn thing to be proud of. My resume looks bland.. my English degree is gathering dust on my dresser.

But then again, I can do something with my life now. I can go on to publish the novels I want to and make something of myself now to prove everyone else that I can do it. That they are wrong about me. I'm not a failure. I'm not a loser. I can't go back to those college days where I didn't really do the things I wanted to do. But the people who brought me down in those days aren't really in my life anymore. Cleaning up some of them was a very hard decision on my part but again, this is my life and I have to take care of myself. I can't have that kind of negativity anymore. Do I miss some of them? Sure. Do I wish them well? Absolutely. But I just couldn't handle the drama anymore.

I feel better now. Thanks for "listening" haha.

Back to writing, I go.