My creativity hasn't been spot on lately. It's hard when you feel like you have to prove so much to so many people. People who fill those nasty doubts in your head, the ones who make you feel like you're never going to accomplish anything.
Every day, I sit in front of my laptop and work on my novel. Sometimes I have really great days where I accomplish quite a bit. Then, there are days when I don't do so great and not a lot gets written. It's not about how much you produce, it's about the quality, right?
I like to think so.
I've mentioned this before, but this is still really bugging me. The whole "why are you doing this?" "Why write a novel?" My response is "Why not?" I don't see how what I'm doing is so different from everyone else. Sure, it's not an easy thing to achieve but isn't that what makes it so special? I can make a difference in someone's life. It's not a shallow or selfish product for me. Sure, I'm doing what I want to do, but it's not really for my own benefit. And that's what really matters.
I know that people are still going to question me and not even try to understand what I'm doing. I'll put up with it. One day, they will see why this means so much to me. Maybe they will understand then that it's a good thing I wasn't doing what everyone else was. I'm not wasting my time doing something trivial and stupid.
A little support every now and then would be nice though.
Whenever I feel stuck and find myself in a dark place, I listen to this song. This song has saved me from a lot and has made me realize some things. It's easy to get frustrated and want to give up. I know, I've been there. But, there is just so much strength in standing up and letting things be the way they are right now. I can't change the way some things have ended up. I wish things were different. I wish it was so easy to get this book written and then I'd be a successful author. But life isn't that easy. The Beatles say it a lot better than I do.
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
I wish I had the answers people want. But, I don't. And it hurts to know there are going to be people out there that I can't help. That are hurting so bad and need relief. I'm just that kind of person. That's why my books are going to have a purpose.. a meaning.
Today, I worked on finishing up a chapter of the novel. I also decided to finish up a couple scenes in the screenplay that I haven't worked on in quite a few months. It was just something that I felt I should look over today.
My writing has been lacking yet again. I'm not sure where my head has been at lately. Something has been holding me back and I'm not exactly sure what it is. The stress I've been experiencing has really started to bring me down to another level. There's only so much a person can deal with before reaching their own breaking point. There are times when I feel like I have nowhere to turn.. the loneliness really creeps its way in at night. My anxiety has been rearing its ugly head. That's something I'll always have to battle anyways.
During the summer of 2006, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder/Panic Disorder after going through horrible panic attacks. These panic attacks ruled my life. They ruled where I went and what I did. I didn't want to be alone for fear that it would happen when no one was around and something bad would happen to me. I learned how to fight through them and made sure they didn't take control of myself any longer. Sometimes, they try to sneak back into my life especially this past year of uncertainty and fear. I do my best to push them away.
At the moment, I'm plotting out another novel to write after this one is finished. I think this one is really going to define who I am as a writer and as a person. It's important to define you are in this life. You need to make people aware of your talents and be proud of what you do. I try not to listen to the people who try to bring me down and take away what is most precious to me. Those things are my determination, my talent, and my dedication to the craft I'm involved in.
Like anyone else, I've had to go through battles that could have ruined who I am. These past few years have really tested my own inner strength. I use my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Don't let those weaknesses or fears hold you back from what you love. Don't let them control who you are.
If I was given a dollar for every lecture my step-father has given me about my future, I would be a very rich woman right now. Of course, that is what he wants for me as he told me this afternoon. He wants me to give up my "pointless dreams" of being a writer, get out there and get a real job. He says the same things every time:
"You aren't going to make any money doing that."
"Why would you waste your time writing anyways?"
"I just want you to realize your full potential in life."
And to all of these I tell him that I don't really care about being rich. If it happens, it happens. I'm doing this because it makes me happy and I hope that I can help entertain others with novels they enjoy reading. And hopefully, they can get something meaningful out of it.
Also, I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. How is doing something you love such a bad thing? How is that viewed as being a waste of time? To me, it isn't a waste at all. It should never be a waste.
My full potential, huh? Maybe writing is what I'm supposed to do. Maybe this is my "calling" so to speak. I know that the reason why people can't understand my love for writing. It's because it's unheard of around here. I was told I need to get out there, get married and have a couple of kids. That's just not on my agenda right now. I'm doing something different and nobody wants to take the time to hear me out.
Do I get frustrated by all the doubts from people? Sure, at times. But, I also know that I need to keep going for myself. Only I really know my full potential and that's what I'm doing. I'm putting forth my full potential in my writing and one day, I will get noticed for it. Someone will see it and publish my works.
So, my step-dad can keep the lectures coming. It's just fueling my desire to continue to write.
Sorry for the lack of updates recently. We can blame it on many things, but let's say say that motivation and no inspiration were huge factors. My writing has also taken a huge blow to these things. Yet, this recent bout of writer's block (or whatever it may be) has only made me realize that I need to push even harder to get things accomplished.
I really need to start taken my future into my own hands and not let other people's decisions mold mine. I can't even tell you how many people have told me this: "Writing is such a hard occupation to get into." This is something I realize. The thing is, it is something I love with all of my heart and it's not something I can just put on the back burner anymore. I have to do this for me now.
Hopefully, this revelation will help move me towards the finish line without another hitch. Of course, I know I'll probably face a few more along the way whether I want to or not. What matters is how you face and fight your way through them.
When people tell me that writing isn't something people can get rich off of doing, I always tell them that I know that I have to do something else in order to get by. That is, if I would get hired. I got another job rejection letter (well, in this case, an e-mail) from the job my former English professor sent me. The job was filled but they thanked me for my interest in the company. They also wished me luck with all of my future endeavors. It's always the same thing.
Rejection is just apart of life. It's something we all have to get used to. Another rejection only makes me stronger and I know that something good is out there for me. I just have to keep working towards it.
So, remember what I said before, Henry (yes I have named my writer's block..). I meant it. You weren't wanted then and you're still not wanted now.
The novel is progressing as nicely as I could hope. I'm not trying to force it to go any farther/faster than it should. I don't want to produce a horrendous book just because I was in a hurry to get it done. Some people want instantaneous results. They don't want to take the time to actually create something of quality and be proud of that. Writers should be patient and passionate about their craft. Don't force what you're working on just to get it finished. Take your time and just go with it.
There are times when I get so frustrated because my novel isn't going as quickly as I want. I do get impatient and forget to just relax. Sometimes, I wish I could have a kind of physical trainer for writing. Someone who stands beside and motivates me to keep writing whenever I get stuck. There are times when I need that push to keep going. Not so sure how I would deal with the pressure of someone yelling at me in my ear as I write, but, hey, I can deal with it. :)
I haven't posted a writing prompt in awhile so I decided to get back into that for everyone. I hope that these are helpful for any aspiring writer out there who needs some help getting into the writing groove.
Write a page describing your favorite character from a movie, television show, or book. Talk about about physical and personality descriptions. Also, discuss what this character does in his or her daily life, ie: occupation, hobbies, likes and dislikes. What about his family? Does he spend time with them? Or do they not get along? Be as specific as possible.
As I'm watching The Academy Awards, it has really motivated me to write. I don't know what it is about seeing clips of movies that does that for me, but it has helped me see that moving stories are important today. People are interested in emotional story lines as long as they are done in a powerful way. Who is to say that I can't win an Oscar one day for Best Screenplay? I know that it can be a possibility if I set my mind to it.
Stories and movies help bring about lives that people may not be aware of. They can be brought into experiences they have never had and hopefully, it moves them to the point where it changes their lives. That's the beauty of powerful storytelling. It's all about the emotions of it. The kinds of emotions that can tug at your heart and not let go. If you're still thinking about the characters and the story a year later, then you know it's a powerful thing.
Writers should never be afraid of bringing about any sense of emotion in their projects. Write with both your heart and your head. Never be afraid of making people cringe, mad, happy, or cry like a baby. That's what you want. You want them to feel these things so powerfully that it truly affects them.
I want to be a fearless writer. I want to bring about emotions in my readers. These are things that I desire most of all.
Today would have been my dad's 72nd birthday. He passed away when I was 15 years old after long years of being an alcoholic.
My dad was amazing. I wish you all could have met him. He had his weaknesses but he always knew how to put his kids first. I miss him a lot. My parents divorced when I was about 4 years old. I'll admit it was always hard to go back and forth from my mom and dad. Once my mom remarried, my brother, Mike and I, were moved far away from him. That was very difficult especially when he started a downward spiral from alcohol. I wasn't there when he went into rehab and became sober. I couldn't have been more proud of him for staying sober for two years until his death.
My heart still hurts even after all these years when his birthday rolls around and I'm not able to call him up and wish him a happy birthday. People should know not to take anyone for granted. Take this moment and tell the people you care about that you love and appreciate them because you never know what may happen.
So, this post is dedicated to my dad, William. Happy birthday, Dad. I love you and miss you everyday.
Sometimes it's hard not to lose focus when you're surrounded by so much disbelief. I just want to be able to do what I love and achieve something but some see it as "living in a fantasy world" because it's not something most people strive to do around here.
I live in a very rural area. Once they graduate high school, most girls around here either marry their high school sweethearts and have a few kids or they become a nurse. Nursing is a very popular occupation in this area because it's not hard to find a job here after your schooling. Some do go off to college like I did but it's usually to become a teacher. After those girls graduate, they come back to this area and teach at their high school. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with doing these things. They are just not what I want for myself. I want to be a writer and once people in this area here that, they begin to scratch their heads and wonder what is wrong with me.
That's when I get labeled as a "slacker". Why? Because, supposedly, writers don't accomplish hard work. They just sit around and type on their computers all day while everyone else is working a real job and breaking a sweat. This is when I get frustrated. Most writers do work very hard to produce their works to the public. In fact, most writers work other "real" jobs because writing doesn't really pay all the bills. So, yes, writers do a lot more than what most people think.
So, whenever someone around here questions my abilities or hands out criticism, I just smile and learn to be patient. One day, maybe they will understand where I'm coming from, and if not, then that's okay. This is my life to live and it's my dream to accomplish. I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing this because I feel like it's what I was meant to do.
The next time someone doubts your own abilities or dreams, just sit back and be patient. Strive to prove them wrong and show that you are capable to accomplish anything.
"It is impossible to discourage real writers - they don't give a damn what you say, they're going to write."-Sinclair Lewis, American novelist, playwright, and short-story writer.
You may (or may not) have noticed the layout has been changed on here. I decided to change things up a bit. It was time for a brand new look. I was watching Ghost Hunters on television and decided to give this blog a makeover during commercials. :) So, I hope you all enjoy the new layout.
Today, I was too stressed out to write. I couldn't get myself to relax and focus on the task. The night is still young so maybe I can get some work done before bed time. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I hope all of your projects are continuing on a great path!
:)
Today, my step father asked me if he could read my book. Of course, he asked in a very disbelieving, sarcastic tone in which I told him no. I don't mind a few select people reading what I have so far in order to see what their views are on it. My step father is not one of those who gives out constructive criticism. He is a person who doesn't believe you're going to succeed in achieving any of your dreams, mainly because he hasn't done a thing with his life.
I like to surround myself with people who are creative and imaginative. The kinds of people who know what they want out of life and strive hard to get it. It's hard to accomplish things in this environment that I'm in, but at the moment I have no choice. Sometimes, writers have to work in settings that aren't comfortable. You have to deal with these situations in order to stay on track with your writing. I try and write every day, no matter how tired or sick I may be feeling. It doesn't matter how much you write; you can write one sentence or one page, just as long as you write something. It's amazing how much you can accomplish just by doing this every day.
Concerning those nasty critics who like to bring me down , (i.e.: my step father and the infamous Critic Boy), I try not to pay any attention to their negativity. The one thing that motivates me is positivity. That is how you can make progress in whatever project you are working on.
If you need to give out criticism to anyone, make sure it's constructive. Be helpful and let them know what isn't going so well, but do it a way that won't hurt any feelings. Try and make suggestions that might get them back on the right track if they need it.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss
When I attended college, I would often make up short (and sometimes not so short) stories for my friends. It was something that entertained us on the times when we didn't want to do school work. I didn't realize it at the time, but participating in those story times helped enhance my creativity. I didn't plan anything out beforehand. I just went in and went with whatever came to mind. Some of those stories came out very well. The first one spawning my desire to write a screenplay. Of course, there have been a few that didn't turn out as nicely as the others, but that's how it works sometimes. You can't be perfect.
So, I challenge all of those who desire to be more creative in their lives to sit down right now and write a short story. There is no need to make it the best story ever written. This is to help enhance your imagination and make you feel more comfortable as a writer. Don't think, just write. Let me know how it works for you. :)
