Hello Alone

I sent the first six chapters of my novel to a woman I had Creative Writing class with. I felt like she would be honest with me and be constructive with her criticism (unlike Critic Boy...). She has yet to get back to me with what she thought but she did send me a message on facebook saying that she isn't completely finished yet but what she has read is and I quote: "Amazing." I'm not quite sure what that means but..I'll take it. It's better than what Critic Boy would say, I'm sure. I would hate to know what he would say. Probably something cynical and sarcastic because that's just how he is. I've learned to just take what he says with a grain of salt because it's not worth getting upset over. We all have our critics, right? And if I want to make this writing a profession and be successful about it, I need to learn to deal with the critics. That's just life.

I haven't really written in awhile though. I've come across yet another case of writer's block. I just can't get my head to focus with all the stress that I've been experiencing. If it isn't about friends, it's about family. I went out for a weekend with friends last weekend, and I came home only to be verbally attacked by my step dad while my mom was in the grocery store buying him yet another pack of cigarettes. This is what he said:

"Do you realize that everything you do, but breathe, costs people money?"

I didn't say anything.

He said: "And do you realize you've wasted half your life doing nothing?"

At this point, I became very upset and told him that that wasn't true and he really needed to learn how to count. I told him I can't get a job if there are no jobs out there.

He's just so frustrating. I don't know how much more I can take without having a complete nervous breakdown. This is why I can't write. Because I have no support. I know that's probably not true at all but I just don't hear it anymore. All I need is for you to ask me how my writing is going and such. That's it.

This is what happens when I get bored on New Years Eve...

sparkling cat's sparkling cat

swiftly i have never swim, swimmingly beyond
any vampire, your darth vader have their dirty:
in your most large nail polish are things which shimmy me,
or which i cannot eat because they are too excitedly

your smelly look rapidly will unshoot me
though i have wash myself as notebook,
you type always television by television myself as sun fight
(holding timidly, eagerly) her bitter belt

or if your castle be to blink me, i and
my ipod will run very carefully, quickly,
as when the hobo of this vampire talk
the lipstick happily everywhere walking;

nothing which we are to drink in this zombie dance
the jay z of your pink converse shoe: whose skateboard
knock me with the chair of its jacket,
kissing lightbulb and pierce the veil with each singing

(i do not play what it is about you that jimmy
and listen; only something in me paint
the pajama pants of your darth vader is short than all sun)
gloves, not even the grass, has such hot tank top

- melissa & e.e. cummings

So I found this madlib poem exercise game on this site:

http://www.languageisavirus.com

Fun times....E.E. Cummings and I sure can write a great poem haha. Thanks, man.

Dismantle. Repair

I logged onto my e-mail today only to find stupid boy and his unreasonably jealous girlfriend has added me on facebook. I could have denied these requests. Did I? No..curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to be nosy and see this girl's page. Much to my disappointment, there wasn't much, except for a few gag worthy pictures of the two. I seriously could have vomited. I don't think I've been more happy to be rid of someone than I am right now. What a jackass.

I've got some writing done today. I don't know if I'm thrilled with it but it's just the first draft.

Hopeless

Still not a whole lot accomplished writing wise. The holidays stress me out.

I did get an e-mail response from you know who. Here it is:

My incredibly jealous girlfriend probably did it while I wasn't here, judging as I thought you deleted me. What was the nature of the message? I've been contacted by several old friends of mine who happen to be female and I never know about it. I deeply apologize. She did interrogate me about you the other day, so that is likely what happened. I'm sorry. I really thought you deleted me. Hmph. I swear. Anyways, sorry again. Happy holidays, since I couldn't say it sooner, I have to go get ready for work though, so I'll talk to you later.

-Kyle


Seriously? Your incredibly jealous 18 year old girlfriend needs to back the hell off and not jump to conclusions when I just ask how you are doing. Oh man..and she interrogated him about me. Ha, I wonder what he said.. if she only knew what I know.....

Ain't No Sunshine

I hate winter. I hate it with a passion. Right now, it's cold, dark, and rainy. Did you know that December is the month where writers are the least productive? Why? Because it's a friggin' stupid, gross month, that's why. Plus, the holidays stress people out and everyone is on edge. I'm tired of winter already and it just started. I'm ready for warm weather and sunshine. A time when I can go outside and write. When I can open up my bedroom window and let the warm fresh air in.

I'm trying to get some writing done. I'm making myself do it. The novel has about five crappy chapters written (I keep telling myself it's the first draft so it's okay if it's a bit crappy now) and my screenplay is....going....ish. We'll see how it goes. I just wish I had the motivation to write like I did in high school. That was a time when I could write all day. Of course, I didn't have all the stress and pressure that I have now.

R-Evolve

Today, I worked on character sketches for my book and wrote down the rough plot outline. So now it's all written down on paper. I'm hoping it will make it easier for me to go back to whenever I'm stuck. I know where I'm supposed to be headed and I'll get there. Tomorrow, I'm going to go back and start the beginning over. Even if it's just for 15 minutes, I'm going to write something. The one thing I've learned is that I can't sit down and write all day long like I used to. I really believe that I have learned so much about writing in college that it's all swimming in my head. I've read so many novels for classes that I know so many different ways to write. It's all so confusing and now I have to find my voice again that makes me stand out. I don't want to blend in. I don't want to write the next Twilight Saga (ick, no thank you) and I certainly couldn't write the next Harry Potter series (it's too perfect). I'll figure out my own way to be the writer I want to be. And if that is with writing the supposedly profound works I desire then that's the way to go.

The only rule is that there are no rules

I was told the book I want to write will be profound. Yeah, that is if I can actually get over this severe long bout of writer's block I've been experiencing since I graduated college. I learned that writer's block could be because of stress, exhaustion, depression.... ha, that's where it comes from. Who knew?

But I am helping my friend, Kim, in the process of her writing a book. She's wanting to write these murder mysteries and the plot sounds really good but she's afraid. Just like me. She's afraid of what others will think with some things. I told her to just let go of all inhibitions and just be free to write. I can give great advice others..I just can't take my own, I guess.

The book I'm wanting to write is going to be serious. Kim asked me what genre I want to write in and I really didn't know what to say. I don't want to limit myself to one genre. Who says I can't write serious dramatic novels and then write a fantasy novel? I can do that. That's the power of being a writer.

All I know is that I want to move people so much that they cry haha. Yeah, I'm going to be one of those writers.