The Man in the Mirror

You can hardly turn the tv on without seeing some kind of tribute show to the late great Michael Jackson.

I was sitting in my brother's room, watching television that Thursday he passed away. I saw the Breaking News thing on MTV announce it and I remember I saw up and my jaw dropped. Michael Jackson died?? What the fuck? Seriously?

I can still remember my childhood, dancing to Michael Jackson songs in our dining room in Hamilton, New York. He was like the coolest person I had ever seen. I wanted to be able to moonwalk so bad but I never accomplished that goal. I played MJ's "Bad" cassette (this was before cd's were popular haha..hey it was the 80's people..) until I wore that thing out. I also remember watching "Thriller" for the first time on television. It was around Halloween.. and I was really young again..and I was completely fascinated by the video, but yet it did give me nightmares about MJ zombies haha. Go figure.

So yeah. I'll admit that I was one of those MJ nuts back in the day. And granted, the guy was a little kooky in the last ten years but you cannot deny his talent. And that's what is important and should be remembered. Not all the law suits and pervy things with little boys.. not his kooky behavior or his skin lightening issues...or his nose jobs.. remember him for being the entertainer he was. He was the fricking King of pop.. he seemed bigger than death..like he was immortal. At least to me. Sadly he wasn't.

This may seem fangirly and overdone, but music is such a huge part of my life. All kinds. So RIP MJ.

Screenwriting an Apology

I bought a book recently entitled "How to Write a Selling Screenplay". Yeah, I also want to write a screenplay. I've been working on one for four years now. I've made over five re-writes and I just want to finish it and get it out. I want people to see it. I want people to see these characters that I have seen for four years. I want people to watch my movies and read my novels and learn things. Learn about life and the people in it.

If the weather is nice tomorrow, I am going to take a chair outside, sit out there and read the book. Get a tan and learn some more of the trade. Might as well. I have nothing else to do.

You know how I do

Optimism. Gotta keep the optimism...

With the recent major time on my hands, I've been working on a novel. I've only written two chapters but it's going. I would love to just write for a living. Just sit in front of my laptop and type furiously, creating characters for everyone to get to know. That would be amazing. But, alas, writers don't make that much. But I can dream.

I'm not even sure my novel would be published or sell. It's not a popular topic. It's not something everyone agrees with. But I feel it needs to be addressed.

The Ultimate Goal

I want to work as a publicist for this record company.

Hey baby, let's go to Vegas

A girl I graduated with just recently went to Las Vegas and got married. Now that's how to live. Just hop on a plane with your beloved and head to Vegas to elope. It amazes me.

That's how I want to get married. By an Elvis impersonator. You can't go wrong. Then, I'll renew the vows in a castle in the highlands of Scotland. Wow, that sounds so awesome. I kinda wish I was engaged right now or something. Or even dating a guy. I'd call him up and say, 'hey baby..we're going to Vegas." haha.

I can do that now. I don't have obligations that I used to have..

I am my own worst enemy.

The pivotal first entry of my post college life. Write it down, folks. This should get interesting.

I had a livejournal account, but looking back on it, it felt so..old. Like the old me. I feel different nowadays. Like a true, honest adult. One who doesn't have school to go back to in the fall. I'm done with that. I have cleansed my hands of that drama.

Yet, here comes all that drama that everyone else has talked about. The hard economic times have come to slap me straight in the face. Hard. Why? Because, folks, I have recently graduated college. Yes, in the worst economic times ever. Congratulations, right? Thanks..

Here comes the anxiety of struggling to find a job. To prove that you are better than any other unemployed person desperate to earn money and pay off vast amounts of college loans. It's like a hardcore fist fight to come out on top. And I am not succeeding.

Yet another why? Because all who are hiring want experience. More than three years+ experience. That frustrates me. How am I supposed to get experience when no one will hire me to get that experience? Does that make sense to you? No. It does not. So here I am, sitting in my mom and step-dad's house, unemployed and feeling stressed out. Feeling worthless.

I only graduated almost a month ago. So why am I feeling so stressed out? Like there is no hope of ever finding a job? I don't know. Might be that anxiety disorder I have.

When I was a freshman in college, I had this dream of when I graduated college (finally), some amazing job would fall into my lap that day. I would move away to the west coast to a big city and be so successful. In reality, that hasn't happened yet.

I'm trying to stay optimistic.