Under the Weather....Again.

Come to find out, being really sick doesn't lead to much productivity either. I've been feeling under the weather for the past two days so writing hasn't really been on my mind. Sleeping and getting better have. Lots and lots of sleeping.

Maybe I'll feel better enough tomorrow to dive back into my novel. I was getting to a good part...

The Remedy

Novel progress: I managed 2 pages today. I shut myself in my room, got as comfortable as I could and started to type. There were a few moments when I stopped and thought about what people would think about this part or that part. Then, I realized that that is what is holding me back. What people might think... who really cares? Yeah, some people are not going to like it but I'm hoping that there will be people who do like it. They might love it. They might feel the circumstances and the issues that my characters are going through because they might be going through the same thing. Maybe this novel will speak to someone so much that they figure out their own lives. And that is what should matter. Being able to speak to someone.

That's what is going to keep me going. My love for this and my desire make an impact in someone's life. I know I have read books that have made me think differently about certain things.

Now off to make more progress. :)

Snowed In

I have lost count how many people have told me that snow days lead to such productivity. Really? Well, let's see here, snow is falling outside my window as I type this and has been since early this morning. Let me check my progress for the day on this novel. Hmm.. not seeing the productivity here.

I guess it just depends on who the person is and the situation they are in. Am I stressed? You bet. Do I feel like I'm in an environment that oozes of creativity? Definitely not. Far from it, my friends.

My guess is that if I were not living at home with the family, I would have gotten a lot more accomplished writing wise. Snow days here just mean everyone is stuck in the house and bitching at each other. I don't know how many times my mom came into my room today to either ask me to do something or tell me some story.

I would love to be living in a place where I could just write without any interruptions. Or be able to go to a place that truly inspires creativity. But, at the moment, I'm not there. So, I have to deal.

Now, that mostly everyone has went to bed (my mom likes to go to bed early on her days off), I plan on getting more done. Almost finished with chapter six. 27 pages. I guess that's an accomplishment so far, right?

I Make a Music Playlist For All of My Writing Projects

I guess you could say music is my muse nowadays..

The Writing Mood Playlist: (it's a long list)

Run --Benton Paul
The End --Silverstein
Mad World --Adam Lambert
Weightless --All Time Low
Only Ones Who Know --Arctic Monkeys
Sidewalks (Acoustic) --Story of the Year
Lullaby --The Spill Canvas
Konstantine --Something Corporate
I Want To Save You --Something Corporate
Apologize --Silverstein
Discovering The Waterfront --Silverstein
True Romance --Silverstein
My Heroine (Acoustic) --Silverstein
Call It Karma (Acoustic) --Silverstein
Hero Of War --Rise Against
Your Guardian Angel --The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Karma Police --Radiohead
The Balcony Scene --Pierce The Veil
Yeah Boy and Doll Face --Pierce The Veil
Northern Downpour --Panic At the Disco
Optimist (We Are Not For Them) --P.O.S.
Fireflies --Owl City
More Than Conquerors --Ocean Is Theory
Wonderwall --Oasis
Always Love --Nada Surf
Drive --Incubus
Comfortably Confused --I See Stars
Flightless Bird. American Mouth --Iron & Wine
Bruised --Jack's Mannequin
Rescued --Jack's Mannequin
21 Guns --Green Day
Are We The Waiting --Green Day
Love Me Tender --Elvis Presley
Title and Registration --Deathcab for Cutie
If It Means A Lot to You --A Day To Remember
If Not For My Glasses --Dear & The Headlights
Viva La Vida --Coldplay
The Scientist --Coldplay
Couldn't Let You Love Me --Closure In Moscow
I'm A Ghost Of Twilight --Closure In Moscow
Intensity In Ten Cities --Chiodos
A Letter From Janelle (Acoustic)--Chiodos
Lexington. (Joey Pea-Pot With A Monkey Face)--Chiodos
Life Is A Perception Of Your Own Reality --Chiodos
Diamonds --Breathe Carolina
Classified --Breathe Carolina
The Birds And The Bees --Breathe Carolina
No Vacancy --Breathe Carolina
Welcome To Savannah --Breathe Carolina
Hello Fascination --Breathe Carolina
Love Drunk --Boys Like Girls
Holiday --Boys Like Girls
There Is --Boxcar Racer
Let It Be --The Beatles
While My Guitar Gently Weeps --The Beatles
Hey Jude --The Beatles
Blackbird --The Beatles
Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da --The Beatles
Dear Prudence --The Beatles
The Remedy --Jason Mraz
The Middle --Jimmy Eat World
23 --Jimmy Eat World
The Heart Of Life --John Mayer
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room --John Mayer
In Repair --John Mayer
Free Fallin' (Live) --John Mayer
Lenny/Man On The Side --John Mayer
Goody, Like Two Shoes --Matchbook Romance
Singing Bridges (We All Fall) --Matchbook Romance
Say It Like You Mean It --Matchbook Romance
Anywhere But Here --Mayday Parade
Get Up --Mayday Parade
I Swear This Time I Mean It --Mayday Parade
Miserable At Best --Mayday Parade
You Be the Anchor..... --Mayday Parade
Everything is Alright --Motion City Soundtrack
Sink Into Me --Taking Back Sunday
Where My Mouth Is --Taking Back Sunday
Everything Must Go --Taking Back Sunday
New American Classic --Taking Back Sunday
…Slowdance On The Inside --Taking Back Sunday
Experimental Film --They Might Be Giants
Missing You --Tyler Hilton
When It Comes --Tyler Hilton
The Letter Song --Tyler Hilton
A Fault Line. A Fault of Mine --Underoath
Desolute Earth:: The End is Near --Underoath
The Space Between --Valencia
Island in the Sun --Weezer
Buddy Holly --Weezer
Battle Royale --The Word Alive
A Beautiful Lie --30 Seconds To Mars
The Kill --30 Seconds To Mars
Savior --30 Seconds To Mars
Still Around --3OH!3
Kings and Queens --30 Seconds to Mars

Time to Share

Here's a rough version of a poem I wrote a few days ago. Enjoy.


The Battle for Hope and Promise

I woke up this morning a changed person.
I became full of hope and promise.
Those feelings sprang inside me,
Rushing through me like water through a stream.
Who is to say what you can’t accomplish?
To dash my dreams with a single bitter word.
I stand up so strong ready for a fight
To fight for what I believe in.
To fight for my own dreams.
So be ready to draw your sword
Because I’m now a soldier
A soldier for hope and promise.

I Swear This Time I Mean It

Sometimes I have so many ideas floating around in my head that it's hard to focus on what is at hand. I'm sitting here in my room with John Mayer currently playing in the background. My novel is opened on my desktop and yet, here I am, not working on it. I looked over it. I edited it a bit. I scribbled some notes in my writing journal. And I realized the one thing that has been holding me back.

Self doubt.

I've been told so many times that I wouldn't be able to accomplish what I wanted to. That it was all a wasted effort so why even try? You'll never make it. You are just wasting your time. Those words finally soaked into my brain and hindered me from being able to do the one thing I have always wanted to do. The one thing I was always good at.

Well enough is enough. I'm going to get rid of this self doubt and prove everyone wrong. I don't need it.


And by the way, everything in life is writable only if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath

Fiction

I bought a couple writer's reference books a year ago to aid me in writing a better story. I thought they would help. You know the kind.. the ones that tell you you shouldn't do this and you should write this way. But make sure you don't use too many descriptions but you need just this much in order to get the plot going. And, oh, don't forget your characterizations. And dialog, dialog, dialog.

I mean, really?? Come on. I'm not an idiot. I know how to write. Well, at least, I did until I read those craptastic "books".

I even bought a book about getting rid of writer's block in 10 days. Yes. Supposedly after reading this book, you will be so enlightened to beat writer's block in only 10 days. I read the book. I did the stupid pointless exercises, making those lists with my dominant and non dominant hand.... I made the charts... I did everything. Did I beat writer's block in 10 days? No, my friends, I did not. I wasted 10 days doing all the stuff that was supposed to help. I want a refund.

Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall a few times.. it should only take a minute......

...................

Okay, I'm back. I did manage to write a page the other day. And today, I managed a whole sentence! Thank you. I'm quite proud of it myself. It's not that I don't have ideas. That's not my issue at the moment. The reason why I'm such a struggling writer is the fact that I cannot get focused. My inspiration isn't there. I'm stressed out to the max.

And I'm reading crappy writer's reference books that don't know what they're talking about!

I think I'll go read some Hemingway and get inspired. That man knew how to write.